


Winter Night in Moonlight

by TMoony



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Pre-Frozen (2013), Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, non-romance Elsa/Jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23632111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TMoony/pseuds/TMoony
Summary: At one winter night, Jack finds himself in a kingdom in the north. When he sees the princess, he doesn't know that magic isn't always fun and neither does princess Elsa know what magic can be.
Relationships: Elsa (Disney) & Jack Frost (Guardians of Childhood)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Winter Night in Moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> This story here is already posted on FF.net but since I have also an account here, I thought I should use it, too. The One Shot is a bit older now, but it should be readable nevertheless.
> 
> This was my first try in writing a story in English. It's not my first FF, though. I already wrote a lot of stories but in my mother tongue and posted it on another side.  
> However, this story is originally written in German and I kinda translated it by myself. So this and the original one are my work, so don't worry. I didn't steal it. xD
> 
> To the story: This is an Elsa and Jack Fanfiction. However, this is NOT a romantic happy story. Be warned, it's a lot of drama and serious stuff, actually. So if you want to read a romantic Jelsa-Fic, you should skip this one.  
> I'm not a Jelsa Shipper, but I always wondered how an actual meeting between Elsa and Jack would look like. So I tried to be realistic.
> 
> You can always correct me in grammar or any other mistakes I made. I hope you enjoy it. :D
> 
> TRIGGER-WARNINGS for suicide attempt and self-harm.

# Winter Night in Moonlight

Winter. The most unpopular season of all. The cold and frost dominated the land and showed the harsh side of nature. Humans were hiding in their houses. Animals were sleeping deep in their dens. For them, winter was only there, so they could yearn for the spring. But not for him. Winter was the best season of the year for Jack. It was his season of the year. He could romp and play all day, and nobody was there to stop him because there was no one who was able to see him. He was nothing but a cold gust of wind for them.

He was the frost which made one slip and fall.

He was the cold which made one shiver.

He was the snow which covered everything.

But not for him. He brought frost with him to make everything slippery — perfect for sledding. He created the cold, so everybody would wrap themselves up warmly and huddle together. And for snow … he loved snow. The small ice fractals whirled around and were the most beautiful thing in winter. Sometimes, he spent hours just looking at the little crystals and how they started their journey to the ground together. So magical! Not forgetting the fun one could have with snow. Snowball fights. Snowmen. Snow Angels. Snow!

Winter was his favorite season. It was his season. He was the master of the frost. And nothing could make him give up his power. Nothing.

He flew through clouds swaths and let them swirl around his wooden staff. He watched, with a grin on his face, how the white spirals danced behind him. All day long, he entertained the people of a small Kingdom — to him it was more likely a tiny hamlet. He froze laundered clothes and was mightily amused by the moaning from the women. He started snowball fights and bet with himself who would be the winner. And of course, he let people fall on their butts with his magic here and there.

With this thought in mind, he decided to live up to his name and to have his fun with the people of the town a little while longer. Up here in the north, the people were already used to the low temperatures and therefore no easy prey for his frost — he was ready for the challenge anyway.

He flew towards the ground and landed on one of the many roofs without an effort, looking for his next prey. He was aware of the disapproving gaze from the moon who hung silently between the dark clouds and looked down at him. Jack just shrugged his shoulders.

"What?" Jack asked annoyed. "Am I not allowed to have some fun?" The Man in the Moon said nothing. As always. Jack sighed. "Listen. You brought me here, so live with it. If you don't want me to have a good time here then make an end to this and just tell me what you want from me." Jack didn't get an answer and wasn't surprised. He tried to make the moon face talk so many times and always received silence. So he decided to make the best of it and tried other ways to get attention. Even if his current plan — to annoy people until they will recognize him — didn't work as planned, but he got at least **a reaction**. It was better than nothing.

During the moment when Jack thought about his life, an old man came out of one of the many huts. He walked with a stick, wore a hat and glasses and looked really fancy.

"Well, where does an old man like you want to go at such a late hour?" Jack asked himself and flew above the old man.

"I'll be right back, Olga. I just go to the next door. To the Valstads. Maybe they have some firewood for us," the man said to someone who was still in the hut. Obviously Olga. Jack aimed with his staff and made himself ready to create frost under the feet of the man. He hesitated as he saw the man walking. The man needed the stick so badly, he would fall without it immediately and would probably break a leg or something.

"Well, today is your lucky day, old man," Jack mumbled and lowered his staff. He didn't want to hurt anybody. It didn't change his desire to play a prank on someone, though. For the last hundred years, this was the best — and only — way for him to feel almost existent.

He jumped from roof to roof, looking for better prey for his prank. He didn't go far when he recognized the only building in town which wasn't a made out of wood. In fact, it was the only building which didn't remind him of a barn.

"Well, everyone who lives in such a fancy castle deserves a little bit Jack Frost," Jack joked and flew right to the castle. It wasn't in the middle of the town like any other castle he had seen. It was right next to the fjord and it seemed to be a part of the town wall. To find a window was easy for him. Jack looked inside. But what he saw surprised him more than he wanted to admit.

It was a girl. A young woman, to be exact. Instead of sleeping peacefully in her bed, she sat on the floor in front of the door. Legs near her body and hugging herself. Her head laid on her knees. If he didn't know better, he'd say she fell asleep on the door. But she was awake. Her icy blue eyes were open, staring through the window. Jack got the feeling that her glances were different. Not like anyone else who just looked right through him. It felt like she only saw him. Her eyes stared directly at him — but this was impossible. Nobody could see him. She didn't see him. She saw through him like everyone else. As always.

He was invisible. He was not there. As always.

Anyway, her eyes made him feel uncomfortable (and excited at the same time.) Nobody had an effect like this on him before. Ever. His interest and curiosity grew. He looked closer at the girl. She was older than him, but couldn't be older than 18. Platinum blonde hair was tamed on her head in an austere bun, and her whole body was literally wrapped in fabric. There was no skin to be seen — excluding her face. Tight and stiff were the words that came into Jack's mind when thinking about her. He ran his fingers through his hair, happy to know that nobody would ever force him into a cage of clothes like this.

Altogether, he had to admit that she was quite pretty, though. If pretty was the right word at all. She was as beautiful as the falling snow he loved to watch. Only the look on her face ruined the picture. It was so … sad.

❄ || ❄

Winter. The last season of the year. A blanket of snow covered the muddy land and turned nature in a snow-white wonderland. Humans marveled at the abstract forms of the ice. Animals played in the snow and produced a piece of art in the glowing cover. Winter was full of marvel and beauty. But not for her. Winter was the most terrible time in the year for Elsa because it was her time. She was forced to hide away inside her room, every day hoping that spring would come. With every passing day, she got more lonely. With every passing day, she accepted more that this was her life. This was she — a princess of ice and isolation.

She was the ice which made one slip and fall.

She was the cold which made one shiver.

She was the snow which covered everything.

If the winter had a bloom side, she would be its shadow. Ice crept from beneath her feet whenever she didn't feel well. The cold took shape around her body whenever she lost control. And for snow … she hated snow. She hated it day and night. She hated it when she was alone or during a nightmare. She hated it because the lifeless bodies of frozen water were always there. Falling from the ceiling, hovering in the air, covering the room. She spent hours trying to chase away the little creatures — it was always unsuccessful. It was everywhere and stayed there. Snow here. Snow there. Snow deep inside of her. Snow!

She hated winter the most out of all seasons because this was the time of year when her powers (and curse) were the strongest. And so the princess of Arendelle became the queen of ice and snow. And there was nothing she could do to change it. Nothing.

She sat on the ground (yet again.) Snow lied beneath her and was no match for the white cover outside. She watched in silence how the little snowflakes appeared just a few inches below her ceiling and fell to the ground like dead leaves in fall. The snow cover got higher, her room got cold and colder, and she got more desperate. She looked at her hands, frowning when white stared back. The white fabric of her gloves was a constant companion in her life and (among other things) always reminded her of the reason behind her isolation. Her seclusion to everyone who didn't know about her powers — which happens to be her parents of course. The separation between her and her beloved sister. Her little Anna. Oh, Anna.

Elsa missed her little sister. She missed her so much that it hurt like putting a thousand ice blasts in her heart whenever Anna knocked on her door and Elsa knew she had to send her sister away. Or even worse, ignoring her sister. It was for the best. For Anna. For her kingdom. For everyone … except for Elsa. Elsa suffered. Elsa cried. Elsa didn't want any of this. Not like this.

But she had ice powers. She wasn't a normal girl. Whether she wanted it or not.

 _ **Knock. Knock. Knock**_ — a familiar sound. Someone — Not someone, it was Anna! — had knocked on her door. As always. Since the accident ten years ago, Anna has been knocking on her closed door again and again. At first, it was every day. Then it was every week. Then it happened at odd times. Every knock felt like the last one and this feeling scared Elsa to the core. Anyway, she was more scared about what happened after the knocks. Silence. Stillness. More snow.

"Elsa?" She heard the joyful voice of her sister behind the door and suddenly the snow was no more. Elsa wondered how long it would take this time for the cold to return. "Elsa, do you hear me?" _Yes, I hear you, my sister_ , cried a soundless voice in Elsa's head. She tiptoed to the closed door — without being heard by Anna — and pressed her ear softly on the cold wood. To hear Anna's voice was the only thing she had left from her sister. So she enjoyed every single word that came from the strawberry-blonde princess's mouth. Even if sorrow and pain pushed the hope away from Anna's voice gradually. And so sorrow and pain also influenced Elsa whenever she heard the hope in Anna's voice fade away a little bit more.

"I know it's late, and you probably want to sleep … if you don't do it already … anyway, I thought, well, maybe we could — only if you want — do something. Together? Mom and Dad won't be mad, don't worry. It even doesn't matter what we do. You can decide if you like. We could sled outside or would you rather do a snowball fight? Or do you want to build a snowman? You just have to come out, and then we could have some fun as we had back then. Elsa? Do you hear me?" Each word that Anna spoke to her sister crushed Elsa's heart a little more. Each sentence made Elsa slip down on the wooden door more until she huddled on the ground in front of the door.

 _I want, Anna. I want so badly!_ The voice in her head whined louder and louder, however, no sound escaped her mouth. She couldn't. Verging on tears, her eyes were still looking for something she could focus on to conceal her shattering thoughts and emotions. Sadly, everything in her room made her cry. So she stared through the window. She didn't look at the white snowflakes which were dancing happily in front of her window. She ignored the branches of the leafless trees which lolled in the lifeless screen of the night air. And also nothing else caught her attention. The only thing she could stare on without collapsing was the big, glowing orb among the dark clouds on the sky. The moon was the only one who never punished her with either prejudging or pejoratively expressions. No expectations like her parents. No hopes like Anna. He was just there for her and sometimes he took away the feeling of being alone. But not today. Today Anna was here.

And Elsa said nothing.

"I understand. It's too late, isn't it? Should I come back tomorrow? Do you have time then?" Anna continued. Hopefully. She was talking the whole time, but Elsa was too troubled with the sea of emotions inside of her to notice and this very sea of emotions by which she nearly drowned right now made her open her mouth and also struck Anna's heart with ice-cold pieces of solitude.

"Go away, Anna." Three words. Three hits. Three apocalypses. For both.

"Oh … okay. Well … em … I will just go then. Em … good night, Elsa." And with that, Anna was gone. Would she return? Would she knock again? Elsa didn't know and it hurt. It hurt so badly that the cold came out of the woodwork again. Out of her fingertips, of her toes and every other part of her. There was no time for her to cave in about it, though.

The window swung open with an ear-piercing crack sound and a strong gust of wind swished in the room. Elsa startled. She didn't know it was so windy outside. When she stood up to close the window again, she got confused. There was no wind anymore. In fact, the gust of wind which opened her window so forceful was the only wind blow tonight. She went to the window, frowning. A confused expression was visible on her face when she reached for the open window to close it. However, confusion turned into horror when she realized she wasn't able to do so. Her hands — or rather her gloves — were touching the wood of the window frame and they wouldn't let go of it any time soon. It was frozen solid to the wood.

How could her magic do that to her?!

"Oh no! No! No! No!" Elsa tried to break away the gloves from the window frame panicky but only made it worse; instead of freeing the gloves, Elsa slipped free from the fabric prisons and one moment later, she faced her bare hands. Pale skin beamed at her. It almost laughed at her mockingly when she realized what had happened: her hands were free. "No!"

❄ || ❄ 

Jack collapsed with laughter. This joke always worked. The very sight of the gloves which lolled from the wooden frame like a flag on a windless day made him laugh even harder. This was so much better than letting the old man slip on his magic.

"This is what you deserve," Jack smirked. "That's not how you talk to your sister." And this was exactly the way Jack thought about it. He didn't have a sister — at least he could not remember one — but if he had one, he would move mountains for her. Anything but turn her away as coldly as this girl did.

Jack only came here for the fun of it but had to admit that it was more for him. In his eyes, this girl needed someone to teach her a lesson. A lesson he could teach. He knocked mischievously with his staff on the wooden frame once again and his magic chewed through the wood even further.

A quietly whimpering was heard from the girl in blue. She had looked at her naked hands like she wanted to make them go away just with her eyes before she crossed her arms and literally buried her hands inside of her embrace. Her gaze went to the frost which covered the whole room at this moment. She was wide-eyed as she watched the frost crept over the window, the wall of the room, and her belongings.

"No, no. Stop!" the girl said and pressed her hands on her chest even harder. His frost didn't obey her plead and Jack smirked again.

"Well, what are you going to do now? Run to mommy and daddy like spoiled little princesses always do when something gets in their way?" Jack joked. He was surprised when the girl turned away from the frost. Instead of running out of the room, she began to pace back and forth. She mumbled something to herself, shaking her head and hid her hands even more inside her stiff embrace. Jack raised an eyebrow. "Well, you have no idea what you should do now, do you?" He got an idea and his grinning got bigger. "Never saw frost to such an extent, did you? Well, fortunately, you are in the same room with the lord of frost himself. I'll show you what frost can do. I am Jack Frost." Saying this, he jumped from the windowsill — on which he was sitting, after he had forced the window open with his magical wind — and made even more frost with his staff. He became braver and let frost appear directly beneath the feet of the girl. He happily waited for the princess to fall on her backside.

But nothing happened.

The girl walked over his magic like it wasn't even there. No slipping, no shivering. Even her breath wasn't visible in the cold. Jack frowned. "What the…?!" At that precise moment the girl took notice of Jacks deed, she stopped quite suddenly. Eyes open wide. Lips pursed. However, instead of being surprised as Jack had assumed, she didn't seem to be bothered by the very question why the frost was even there (like anybody else who became a victim of his magic indoors.) Jack hesitated as he saw a spark of sadness in the blue eyes of the girl and when her mumble got louder, it almost made him speechless.

"Don't feel. Conceal. Don't feel!" She obviously felt something, though. Sadness. Fear. Frustration. Anger. So many emotions were visible in the blue of her eyes, but Jack wasn't able to pick just one of them.

"You are trying to act like the unapproachable princess, aren't you? Want to act like my magic isn't incredible, right?" Jack still joked, despite his gradual doubt about her attempt to ignore something strange which was obviously real. But what could be the reason behind her reaction other than that? Apparently, she was trying to deny that something happened. That **he** happened and this made Jack angry. For a long time, all the people he had met ignored him and now she was there; ignoring the world around her, although she could have anything she ever wanted. Everything he ever wanted.

That was not fair!

"Just you wait, you will see what you might get by your behavior," Jack said to himself. He ignored all other feelings which her eyes almost threw at him intentionally and focused on all the other the thing he could be mad at. Her distance. Her self-induced isolation. Her solitude which felt like his own in a frightening way.

He put his thoughts aside and aimed directly at the princess. She would fall, no matter if she wanted it or not. He made sure she would! He sent with a skillful shot of his magic frost straight under the feet of the girl again.

"Well, what do you think of that?" Jack said with a grin. His delight disappeared from his face in the very moment when the girl got aware of the frost beneath her and did … nothing. She just stared at his magic and grimaced in a way he always did when he knew he screwed something up (but of course, it never was his fault!) Finally, she stepped from his magic and observed the frost. Jack let the frost crept under her again, and she stepped aside once more. More strained. More hesitantly. He repeated his action a third time. Her shoulders tensed painfully, a flinch jerked through her body and her lips let out a whimper. She was on the verge of tears.

Jack paused.

He didn't want to scare her.

He just wanted to show her the beauty in his magic. To hear her swear because she slipped on his magic. He wanted to teach her a little lesson to make her appreciate all she had. A home. A family. A life. People who saw her. She was a princess. She had all this and so much more. She couldn't understand his pain and had no right to weep away her life.

But she cried. And it was his fault.

Before he had the chance to remove his failed fun of magic, she had gasped audibly. Out of sudden, she ran away from the frost and launched herself on her wardrobe. Jack wanted to make his magic disappear before she boarded-up herself in that wardrobe completely, but he realized in shock he couldn't. His frost didn't go away but rather got stronger. Bigger. More uncontrolled. It became unfamiliar…

It was no longer his magic which froze the entire room.

"What the…?!"

❄ || ❄ 

Panic. Fear. Terror. Elsa's mind was ridden by these three companions who took the air to breathe away from her. Her breathing became fast. Faster. Her heart was beating more quickly. It bashed against her chest. Her rib cage would crack. Her bones would break. Her skin would rip apart. Her heart would fall out of her and drop to the ground like a rotten apple from the tree. She pressed her hands even stronger against her chest, but her quick pulse didn't slow down. The panic didn't drop, and the fear didn't go away. Terror. Sheer terror spread through Elsa's body.

Ice formed itself beneath her feet. Again and again. It didn't melt. It never did. This time was different, though. She always felt it when she used (unwittingly) her magic. She knew when she lost control. Not this time. Her feet made contact with the ground and it froze, but her? She felt nothing. Not the cold of the ice, not the power of her magic. Nothing. And this made her hair stood on end. Had the time finally come where she couldn't feel her magic anymore? Was it — was she — already so out of control?

At the moment a whimper escaped Elsa's lips, she realized how much of a threat she was because of that. How much of a threat she was to Anna/her mother and father/her kingdom. Threat. Threat. Threat. Monster. There was just one thing which could stop her from taking summer from the year. The normal winter was already hard. Terrible times. She never meant to create a real disaster. Maybe it would turn into an eternal winter because of her…

The imagination just alone made Elsa gasps and let her run to her wardrobe. _Let them be there. Let them be in there!_ The plea, a prayer, her hope. If there weren't in the wardrobe, it would be her end. Elsa dug and rummaged through the content of the wardrobe like she was starving to death and looking for the last crumb of the bread. _They have to be in here!_ Fabric ran over her bare hands. Garments, both small and big. Underwear. Dresses. Stockings. Socks. All useless. _Where are they?!_ Elsa turfed the red dress out of the wardrobe for a better view. She threw this and that to the ground, and she didn't care. The white socks and blue stockings followed the red dress. _Oh, please. Let me just find them!_ Her fear grew with each piece of the wrong clothing and her panic got a better hold on her. Every time it was the wrong piece of fabric.

Elsa almost screamed when the gloves she was looking for finally found their way in her hands. The gloves would help. They could control her, and everything would be fine again. But nothing came out of it. Elsa imprisoned her hands in the cages of fabric again, but the ice didn't disappear. It grew even further. It moved through her room like hungry wolves which circled around her. It crept nearer. It would devour her. At this moment, Elsa asked herself if her own ice could even hurt her.

She couldn't freeze to death (she knew this from experience) but was her ice actually able to … damage her? More than it already did psychically.

Right now was not the moment she wanted to find the answer to that.

Elsa interlaced her fingers and rubbed harsh fabric against the harsh fabric. Maybe her hands had not realized they were in the gloves yet? Maybe her magic had not understood it could stop now? Elsa stepped back until her back touched the wall behind her, eyes closed and folded hands near her body.

"Don't feel, Elsa…" Elsa never had so much difficulty in doing what she had to do and in following her mantra like today. Her head was full of feelings, and her room was full of ice. She heard the crack sounds of the ice. It crept through her room like tiny bugs. She had a good idea of how cold the air in her room already must be. Mother and father and Anna would freeze to death in seconds. She felt how the edged crystals of ice between the wall and her back got bigger and poked her. Needles and teeth and hooks. They cut through her dress and into her skin. No pain. No cold. Just misery.

"Stop it, Elsa. Control it." But she couldn't.

❄ || ❄ 

Jack had seen a lot. People who laughed about his pranks — mostly children who had their fun with him in the white wonderland. People who got angry about his pranks — mostly adults who always had to do 'something more important than fun.' People who took his pranks calm — mostly the elderly who lived their life with fun already. Sometimes people wondered about his sudden frost. Sometimes they were amazed. But never ever was someone … afraid of him. Or even in panic.

But here she was. A young woman — she was actually still a little girl; afraid, panicky, discouraged, stiff. And it was all his fault. In this very moment, a feeling awoke in his heart he never felt before. He had no words to describe it or name it. Pain deep inside of his body fervid like a flame, but didn't hurt him, though. Not really. It was more like crawling which forced him to do something. Something he didn't know what it was. It squeezed him together without touching him. It took the air out of his lungs without choking him to death. It bummed him out, paralyzed anything else inside of him. Discontent and anger crawled from the deep of his emotions to the surface and did some somersaults and made backflips in his heart. He had not felt those emotions for a long time. It made him feel strange. The scariest part was the fact that he caused all of this. His loathing was for himself. He was the cause of his distress. Regret over his own action.

And it just got worse the longer he watched the girl. It was his fault but she was the reason. He felt bad because he caused her pain. Her fear, her panic, and her agony. He was a monster to her.

Was that remorse? Was this the way guilt felt like?

Jack hated this feeling. He didn't want to be feared. Not be hated or misunderstood. Not be ignored. At the same time, a pang of sadness filled his chest which he tried to push to the back of his mind since he awoke in the frozen lake. He had to change that. Now. Immediately. Quickly.

He froze the windowpane with one skillful swing of his staff. The girl tensed even more, but he tried to ignore it. With a finger, he stroked the frozen glass and left lines and points on the surface. He drew little animals and smiling faces and with just one thought, he could make them come to life. He was hoping the good side of his magic would make her smile again. Something — he just realized — he never saw before. The whole time he was in this room, he never witnessed her smile. He had to change that.

He looked at his little art happy after he had finished it. He wasn't a good painter by far, but it was enough. It was enough for fun and joy at least. A smile was on his face when he focused on the little animals on the glass and brought them to life.

Instantly, the few creatures began to move. They stirred and fidget until they broke free from the glass. They flew. They ran. They jumped. The movements of the animals reflected the light of the moon and let them glow. Jack made himself ready to see the glowing in the girl's eyes.

"Smile."

❄ || ❄ 

Elsa didn't want to see, didn't want to hear and didn't want to know what happened around her. Too many times she had been seeing how she failed over and over again. Way too often she had been disappointing the people she loved. Her father who had put so much trust into her. You have to control it, he had said. There will come a day when you have to stand before your people and have to control it, he had said. He had said so many things, but she was never able to make him really proud for once — even if he had said otherwise. Her mother who had been so patient and caring. Even when Elsa didn't dare to let her come closer. Both physically and mentally. No contact. Her mother still had loved her. Or at least she tried talking herself into believing it. Now both were gone for good and Elsa would never know if she was really capable to make her father proud or if she deserved the love of her mother. And then there was Anna … who was leaving soon, too.

After that, Elsa would be alone and had nothing more to see every day but her failure… No! She had to make it on time! Before Anna was gone, too. Before Mother and Father were forgotten. She had to control it.

Elsa opened her eyes hesitantly. She still stood on the wall, pressing herself against it. Hands clasped together, pressed against her body. Crouched on the ground. What she saw had not changed a bit either. Her room was white. A place from hell with ice and snow. And she was the queen of anything she saw right now.

Suddenly, something moved in the corner of her eyes. Something new. Something strange. Something vivid. And it looked back at her. Eyes as hollow as the chasm between her and her family. Dark and cold. They were grimaces which gaped at her in silence from the windowpane. The unnamed creatures pressed their utterly disgusting and deformed visages against the glass, making ugly faces. Laughed silently at her. Judged her without words. Their scorn towards her shattered even the last remaining piece of bravery in Elsa, and it wasn't over, yet. The strange beings of derision jumped from the windowpane and started dancing above her head. They were dancing in a ring to a mute song only they could hear. Were they animals or humans? They had eyes, noses, and mouths. Elsa saw hairy legs. Horns — or were those ears?

Satyrs maybe? Elsa had read about them. Hybrid creatures from the Greeks. But what were they doing in the north? Or were they just nameless demons?

Only now Elsa noticed the dancing creatures were sparkling. Moonlight was shining on them and made them glitter. Their bodies were made of crystals. Ice crystals. They were creatures of snow and ice. **Her** creatures. **Her** magic. What else could it be?

Could she really do such things? Conjure monsters of ice and snow?

"Please no," Elsa whispered to herself. "Go away, I didn't summon you!" They stayed, still dancing above her head. And then it hit her. _I can't control them…_ They had their own will. Own thoughts. Needs. Maybe even wishes. What could she do if all of them were directed against her? What could she do if all of them were directed against Anna? The first time was an accident. The next time could be intentional — even without her agreement.

Pictures of pure horror with a mutilated and frozen Anna found their way in Elsa's head. _No. No. No. I won't let these monsters come near to her. Not Anna. Not her._ Elsa came to a decision. She had summoned these creatures. It was her fault. If she couldn't control them, she had to find another way. Maybe she really wasn't able to handle her magic on her own, but she was able to handle herself.

 _It has to be._ "For Anna." With these words, Elsa shaped ice in her hands. Long, smooth, sharp. One cut would be enough. Just one.

❄ || ❄

Jack couldn't believe his eyes. Jack didn't want to believe his eyes. He just had watched how the little rabbits, kittens, and other cute animals were playing above his head before something bright caught his attention. He turned away from his own magic and looked to the girl who had felt down on her knees.

Didn't she like kittens? Did she hate little rabbits? Jack had been swearing girls loved fluffy little fur balls.

His fun was gone and his face grew pale as he saw the glowing of the bright object in the girl's hands again. It was small but long. It was slim but solid. It was sharp. It was ice; shaped to a weapon. A dagger made of ice.

"What the hell?!" Jack shouted and jumped right next to the girl. He was sure that this ice wasn't made by him. The little animals above them were totally forgotten. "Hey, what are you doing?" Needless to say, she wasn't able to either see or hear him. This wasn't a reason for him to just stand beside her and watch, though.

"For Anna," the girl mumbled and took the dagger in both hands. She didn't stand up, she didn't look up. She knelt in a stooping position on the ground and aimed directly at herself with the ice weapon. At first, it was several centimeters. A distance of hesitation and doubt.

"Where did you get that thing anyway?" Jack wondered out loud and looked for possible places. He didn't find any. She brought the ice closer to her until the tip tickled the fabric of her dress. No gap, no escape. "Drop it! It's a pretty dumb idea!" Jack warned. She didn't hear anything.

She pushed harder and broke through the cloth. A snag. A centimeter further. Closer and closer. Ice hit tender skin and entered effortlessly. Blood flowed. First, just drops, then the ice–blue dress turned crimson red. "Stop!" The stain got bigger. The consequences of her doing became more obvious. "Stop with the bullshit!" Jack heard a groan from the girl. A scream which she wanted to hold in? A sob which she wanted to gulp back? Words which didn't find any form to express themselves? Tears gushed from her eyes. She closed her eyes, but couldn't stop the tears from running down her cheeks, concentrate on her chin, and fell to the ground in silence to ooze away like they never existed the whole time. Jack had seen them, though. The girl knew they were there. "Don't do anything you might regret," Jack begged and tried to take the dagger away from her hands. Away from her heart. But like always, his fingers went through everything like he wasn't even there. He couldn't touch the dagger. He couldn't grab her arms. He couldn't do anything.

"Your sister," Jack began again and wanted to try another way of approaching. "Anna was her name, right? Anna wouldn't want this to happen. She … I think she really loves you." Jack knelt in front of her to be on eye level, so he could see in her eyes filled with tears. "You will hurt her, too. Don't, please."

"Forgive me…" the girl whispered with an ocean of tears in her eyes and clenched teeth, "… Anna." And then, Jack realized she wouldn't stop. She would let the ice enter deeper and deeper into her body until all blood was shed.

"Not on my watch, miss!" Jack yelled determined. He swung his staff over his head one time, so he could thump the end of the wooden stick on the ground forcefully.

 _ **Dong!**_ — the impact was loud. Its power was strong. Right after it, a storm raised inside the room and pointed its strengths at the girl. The wind howled in Jack's ears, and he was pretty sure the girl heard it too. Jack's magic blew strong so it took the ice dagger away from the girl forcibly. It was smashed against the wall and stuck in it several centimeters after that.

Jack was stunned by the power he had. The girl was stunned by the power which didn't belong to her. She looked up to him, and Jack looked down to her, startled. Her eyes were glued to his, getting bigger and bigger. She saw him.

❄ || ❄ 

_What is that?_ Elsa asked herself in her head as a storm began to rage in her room. The wind pressed itself against her and almost pushed her away. It whipped its power into her face and tugged on her arms. The dagger got snatched away from her hands and flew off. Elsa didn't care where it went. She stared at the spot between her hands where the sharp ice had been, hands not moving. She stared at the spot where it has been left behind an ocean of red fluid. Her fluid. Blood.

She eyed the wound and then the pain came. Had she ignored it before? Hadn't she noticed it? She didn't know. She only knew one thing: it hurt. It hurt so badly. Her entire skin throbbed around the burning wound, reminding her what she has been about to do. _What have I done…?!_

The wound was not life threatening, but a clear proof of what she had done.

However, this wasn't what shocked her the most. What shocked her the most was the feeling which was about to break through. It was a feeling inside her heart. A deep affinity. A familiar presence. Her magic. She felt her magic. The dagger in the wall almost spat it in her face. Even the new layers of ice and snow in her room. This was her. It was a part of her, and she felt it more clearly as never before.

The wind, however, was still unfamiliar. The frost from earlier was unfamiliar. It was not a part of her. It wasn't her magic. She felt it without a doubt. That was the moment when she realized she wasn't alone. Someone was here. Someone was standing in front of her. Someone unfamiliar.

❄ || ❄

Jack grew stiff. He had been wishing for so long to be seen, but always thought it would be wishful thinking, so he never asked himself really what he was going to do if it actually happened. Now it happened, and he had no idea what he should do. He took a step back hesitantly, then stopped. He stepped aside and bowed his head, watching the girl. Then he stepped to the other side and bowed his head again. The ice-blue eyes of the girl followed him and didn't even blink once.

A crawling sensation began to creep over his flesh. Energy erupted in his body. A grin appeared on his face. She saw him! Finally!

"You can see me!" he shouted, eyes getting bigger. The girl nodded. A thousand little suns seemed to explode inside of him as she reacted to him. Not to his magic, to him. "You … you can really see me?" Again a nod. "Wow! That is totally awesome! For so long … finally, someone sees me!" Jack didn't know where he should start. His thoughts were spinning, and his words just sputtered out. He began to jump around in the room. He had to give his joy an expression. After his third flip and his landing in front of the girl, he noticed the girl still looked at him with wide eyes, and he became aware that he was still a total stranger to her.

❄ || ❄ 

Speechless. This was the word Elsa picked for her current state of mind. Speechless. Maybe confused as well. Overwhelmed. For the first time in ten years, someone else besides her parents was in her room and then it was this. This something. This stranger. Elsa had imaged her first visitor quite different.

The stranger acted like a monkey on a stick, jumping around. Gaped at her from every possible angle. From the left, from the right. He screamed and yelled. He seemed to enjoy to gape on her. This was him? That was the demon who had his fun with her? Followed her since her birth and turned her life into this torture that it was? Had he punished her with this curse of ice and snow, so he could feast on her agony?

 _What do you want from me?_ This was the question she wanted to ask but didn't have the courage to do so. _What did I ever do to deserve this?!_ Couldn't he see how she suffered from his fun? Didn't he want to see what he did to her? He hurt her every day, and he took delight in doing it again and again.

This wasn't fair!

The creature seemed to notice her inner trouble because he stopped to jump around, still gazing at her as he waited for something. He waited for a reaction. **Her** reaction.

A crawling sensation began to creep over her flesh. It wasn't pleasant, it wasn't pretty. It prickled her skin. Itched. It strangled her and every part of her. Her mouth twitched. Did she want to say something? To him? Or did she want to scream at him? The emerging feeling of fear was paralyzing and numbing. She only could stare back. The creature, this something who had so much fun with her stood with his back to the window, so the moonlight fell right into her face and deformed the creature into a shadowy silhouette. She only was able to make out the outlines of the creature; no face, no humanity. A spirit from another world.

❄ || ❄

"Um … hello," Jack began. He knew he had to introduce himself. After all, she was a princess and certainly not used to a mischief-maker like him. He wondered if she ever met someone else besides her family and her servants. Maybe other nobles? But certainly nobody like him. How should he deal with her? After so many years, she was the first who saw him. He wanted to make a good impression (even when the ship already had sailed.) "Er … hi," he began again. She stared back. Big eyes and open mouth. Did he scare her? Quite possibly. Was she afraid of him? Probably. "I'm Jack. Jack Frost." He offered her his hand, hoping royals shook hands. They did, didn't they?

"I…" she spoke under her breath. Whatever she had wanted to say never left her mouth. His joy didn't take long. It died in the very moment as he really noticed and understood the expression overshadowed by anxiety on her face. She wasn't happy to see him. She was afraid of him. More than of his animals. Jack decided to accommodate her with her fear.

"And what's your name?"

"Um…" Jack wondered if shock could make someone forgot one's own name. "I'm … my name is Elsa." She swallowed. "Princess Elsa of Arendelle.

❄ || ❄

 _What's all this about?_ This question crossed Elsa's mind. _He knows my name already. He knows me for 18 YEARS! Or is he just trying to turn me into ridicule?_ At this moment, Elsa doubted his name was really Jack. Jack Frost. Did demons name themselves so? Elsa had no idea. Did he just admit that he was indeed the demon of frost? So was it true? Had he cursed her? Elsa was confused. 

“I'm sorry about the whole cold thing.” Elsa snapped back from her thought. _He is admitting it!_

“So it was really you the whole time?” she asked. Elsa didn't know if she should be angry or even more fearful. Was he dangerous?

“Yes! Yes, yes,” he said suddenly, grinning. “That was me.” He waved his hands around, pointing to several directions in the room. “It was me. All of it. Jack Frost himself.” _He is admitting it!_ “Just for fun of course,” he added, still grinning. Something tore in Elsa. _Fun? He did it for fun?!_ This something tore even further and broke into pieces.

_**Clap!** _

❄ || ❄

Pain. A dragging, piercing pain crawled over his cheek. She had slapped his face. Shocked, he held his cheek. Shocked because he felt pain for the first time in forever. Shocked because she had slapped his face.

Why?

"Hey, what the heck?" he said, trying to regain his composure. He just tried to explain to her that he brought the little snow animals in her room to life. (And also the frost under her feet, but he shouldn't tell her that now.) "Why are you hitting me, Elsa?"

"Why?!" she gasped. She seemed to be angry. Jack swallowed. "Why do I hit you? The question is rather why me?"

"Er … what are you talkin' about?"

"Why did you do this to me? Why me? What did I ever do to you?" She got louder with each word. Angrier.

"Nothing. Really," he said to calm her down. "It was just … an accident?" His last words sounded more like a question, but he knew it wasn't a lie. He did find her window by accident. "I just wanted some fun and you happened to be there. It was nothing personal."

❄ || ❄

"Nothing personal?" she echoed. _Are you in earnest?!_ Elsa didn't know if he was either serious or making jokes again. "Nothing personal?" she said again. _My entire room is a hell of ice. My parents locked me in this hell of ice. They are afraid of me. My own parents! I AM afraid of me. Anna is not allowed to see me because of this hell of ice otherwise she will be afraid of me too. My life is a hell of fear, and he says it is nothing personal?_ "It is for me," she said low-voiced to hurl her next word against him. "You ruined my life!"

"Wow … wait. You are overacting. It wasn't that dramatic," he replied. She tried her best to control herself to not slapping him again.

"Reverse it!" Elsa hissed and Jack responded, "What?"

"Make it go away!"

"What are you talking about?"

❄ || ❄

Jack couldn't follow anymore. He had no idea why she was so angry at him. Did he say something wrong? Or did she just didn't think his prank was funny? "What are you talking about?" he asked confused.

"Do I really have to answer that?" she said, but it didn't sound like a question. "Fine." Instead of giving an explanation as he assumed, Elsa took a deep breath. Her posture changed. She became stiff. Her shoulders tensed. Her face became stony. Emotionless. Jack was envious of her self-control. He never had his emotions well in hand like this.

She removed her gloves from her hands without a word and dropped them careless to the ground. Jack looked at her, questioning. But then he felt it. The room was getting ice-cold. Frost appeared under her feet, covering the whole floor and crawled over the walls. He looked at his staff in confusion, but it wasn't the source of the magic. It was her. The magic was hers. She was the source of ice and snow.

"I…," he said. What should he say? "…wow." Maybe not the best wording, but it described his thoughts perfectly. "You are like me?"

❄ || ❄

“No!” Elsa hissed, and ice peaks sprang up from the floor. “I'm not like you!” _How could he say such a thing? Doesn't he see? Doesn't he understand?_

“But! But you can … do this!” he replied and looked closely at Elsa's magic. “This is awesome! Flawless. Your magic is so … clear. Beautiful, really.”

“No, it's not,” she interrupted him sharply. He stopped and looked at her, frowning. “This is not beautiful. Don't you understand? This is abnormal. Make it go away!”

“Make it go away? But this is your magic. I have no influence on your magic.”

“But I don't want it. This curse, I don't want it. Free me from it. Make it go away, please,” she begged.

“I… I should…?”

“Make me normal again. Please.” Her plea turned into a whimper. Her voice broke. She was on the verge of tears. She felt it, but she didn't want to cry in front of him. She cried for too many times. Not now. She had to contain herself. She had to control herself.

_Control it. Don't feel, conceal._

“I can't do that. I'm sorry.”  
❄ || ❄

Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. Jack froze on the spot. He had no idea what to do. He had no idea what she was doing. She looked at him. Fear broke through her snow-white mask. Her face looked like a china doll face. A China doll which one forgot in the snow. Beautiful but unappreciated. Time and solitude devour their way through the material and left chaps in her skin. And so, her true face came to the surface; a little flurry. Beautiful and dangerous. Alone and left behind. Misunderstood.

And he finally understood; she didn't want him to get rid of the ice right under his nose. She wanted him to take away her powers and make her normal again. Normal like everyone else. But this was beyond his powers. Both of them would be different from everyone else. Forever.

For a brief moment, the moonlight was reflected by the blue eyes of the girl, and Jack saw neither her blue nor her feelings. As if it was a mirror, he saw himself. Suddenly, there was more. More than fear. The flurry turned into a blizzard and hit him like an ice blast. 

❄ || ❄

“I can't do that. I'm sorry.” His words hit her hard. She looked at him in disbelieve, but she didn't see a lie. He spoke the truth. He wasn't able to free her from the ice. _But … he turned me into this. Why can't he take it back?_ The only logical explanation she could find was the only thought which made her suffer for years. _He can't reverse his magic just as I can't with my ice._ Everything in Elsa stopped for a moment as she realized this. Instead of acting with reason and deliberation, something exploded inside of her and turned her world upside down. It rocked her world and tore it apart, just to cobble it together violently. Emotions overthrew Elsa, all at once, so there was no chance to think clearly anymore. And so, she did the only thing she was capable of by her instinct deep inside her mind.

“Go away.”

❄ || ❄

The words made jack wince. He didn't step back, though.

“I said GO AWAY!” Elsa yelled at him. Her face was convulsed. Her eyebrows were furled. Her eyes were narrowed to slits. Her mouth was a small line. Anger growled at him. It mixed with fear and turned into isolation. Jack was speechless. It touched him to the quick.

After all these years of insignificance, it was hate he caused in other humans. It was rejection he got. It was fear he sowed.

“Just go away and never come back,” the girl yelled again. She cried. Each tear pushed him back. What should he do? “Why did you do that to me?” What did he do?

❄ || ❄

Elsa felt how each word broke her heart a bit more. It clenched. Hurt. She didn't want to yell. Didn't want to get loud. She wanted anything just to come to an end. She couldn't take it anymore. Too many feelings and too many thoughts. All at once. All of it had to come out. She didn't want for anybody (even the demon) to see it, and she was sorry. She was so awfully sorry for everything, but she had lost control — again. Over herself, her magic, her life — over the monster inside of her.

 _Please, forgive me._

❄ || ❄

Jack knew the girl wouldn't calm down so easily. He raised his hands in an allaying way, but she stood up and seemed even angrier than before. He didn't want to hurt her more than he already did. He should have never come to her in the first place. All of that was his fault, and he knew it. “I want–,” he began to make her realize he didn't want to hurt her. However, she interrupted him in a broken voice, “Leave me alone! Go away and never come back!” And so, he left her alone and never came back. He nodded slightly, turned around and flew out of the window.

❄ || ❄

She let him go. Elsa fell to her knees and wept bitterly. Solitude comforted her once again. She had let her parents go and send Anna away. She was neither a good daughter nor a good sister. She hurt everyone she loved. Maybe she deserved the solitude. Overpowering forces might have been cursing her with ice and snow, however, she cursed herself with a frozen heart. Maybe the monster was not the demon but her. With or without magic. 

❄ || ❄

He let her be. Jack left the north and never thought of this land, this room and this girl again. If the prize of being seen were rejection/hate/fear, then it was a too high cost, and he preferred solitude. Maybe this was the reason why the Man in the Moon had brought him here. Humans didn't want him near them. Whether visible or not.

❄ || ❄

The lord of the frost and the queen of ice and snow stayed alone. Not knowing what had happened. Not knowing what could have been. They stayed alone in their solitude.

**END**  



End file.
